Christmas Eve

 thanks

thanks for making me experience a very realistic version of hell
the time that i felt it from when you left me in that cinema until the sleeping of that night
thanks for haunting me while you are still living

''i did not know better'' caused by my desperation, naivety and loneliness. 
''i did not see that coming'', i stood in front of the storm

i was tricked and illusioned by lights, i did not know yellow mixed with red resulted in green
i thought it was green
i was unaware
i could not read and learn what i have had learned
i was unaware of the ''what they said''

they told me, that is all that you wanted and looking for
you could not see anything further in me

you drove kilometers to pick me up
you were nice to me, suddenly
you were nice in Louisiana Fried Chicken
you are so handsome, it shamed the burger i ate
you were nice until...[the second sentence, first paragraph]

your body tastes like your presence in my life
i am not threatening you or telling you to the world because i was hurt

i did it because of the story that you were a part of the threading 
but, i am very well aware of my presence in your life, i knew it

22.9.19.1.12 thanks






Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

borderline - the diary

Image
Aug 1, 2022 11:10 p.m. There are things that i've said or written down that i don't really mean it. because, i always sit in front of my bedroom window, staring at the afterglow, reminiscing about the person i thought was the 1, the time when i should have said it, the time i should have to go the riverside or the time i went out alone for burger and fries. these are, most of the time, the reasons why. Their notion,  i wouldn't last a minute, but i'm still here full-fucking-time. bares it all with my lower limb, body and soul. Deep down we know they wouldn't last a minute, dear. You could either choose to free roll down the steep hill or get the fuck up and walk. I have lasted years. Aug 26, 2022 9:24 p.m. i'm waking up every day trying to tell myself that whatever I'm doing isn't a compensation to the fact that i'm a highschool dropout. an endless reassurance. i still find myself stuck in between this tug o' war. at this point, i don't even ...
Read more

Do What U Want with Me

Image
I'm a High School dropout. I've spent six years in the primary and almost two years in high school I was that kid with good grades  I was praised around the school I was that kid, the one who dated at a very young age      although i was so young then, i wouldn't really call it an actual relationship     everything seemed blurry now I was that one kid that brought good grades home, until my household gifted me  "you're never good enough", "you never reach our satisfaction." The infinitely shifted goals, the abnormal standards, the perfection I have experienced mental illness when i was just 12 I didn't know I was bearing with one until i was 16 I, even, was too afraid to even admit that I was mentally ill It played the big parts in every ruin I've made throughout my life I have spent my entire childhood trying to fulfill satisfactions I used to believe that      a good boy must listen and embody others opinions       ...
Read more